Notes: I've tweaked lines to make them rhyme, especially with Ookami Shounen's routine. Would like to think I've kept the nuance of the source language, but let me know if anything doesn't make sense at all. Other than that, enjoy! o/


Narrator: Tonight, we have a well-received segment: An Arashi & Comedian Collaboration SP!

[Arashi performs hilarious joke collaborations with up and rising comedians

Joyman & Ookami Shounen & Shukugawa Atom...]

Narrator: For Utaban tonight, we have a second segment that was well-received before: An Arashi & Comedian Collaboration SP! In their previous appearance, Arashi pulled off impromptu gag improvisations splendidly with all the new comedians who wanted to bask in Arashi's popularity! So this time, the miraculous collaborations for this second round are...! Sakurai Sho and Antoki no Inoki. Aiba Masaki and Joyman. Ohno Satoshi and Dangan Jackie. Ninomiya Kazunari and Shukugawa Atom. Matsumoto Jun and Ookami Shounen.

Tenshin: We're the only ones who can peel off Arashi's layers!

Narrator: Plus, there's an uproar over two comedians from the last collaboration invading the studio!

Sho: Man, this is the WORST!

Narrator: And just what happened to Sakurai-kun? Utaban, let's begin!

[MC Nakai Masahiro]

Nakai: We still want to share the fortune with Arashi! A special collaboration with comedians who are rising in popularity!

[Arashi]

Nakai: How was the last collaboration you guys did?
Sho: The previous one, right?

[MC Ishibashi Takaaki]

Nakai: Right. Any feedback on that?
Sho: Feedback... well, in consequence, we got kind of frightened...
Nino: (overlapping) Yeah, that was scary.
Nakai: You were scared?
Sho: Yes.

[After the last collaboration]

Nakai: So you were nervous?
Jun: We really were!
Nakai: You were nervous, huh.
Nino: Because we all took turns doing a collaboration, the ones who had to wait must have been nervo--
Ohno: I'm rock hard, you know!

Nakai: Hey, Ohno... I asked you, didn't I? What kind of tan is that?
Ohno: I told you, it's a sunburn!
Nakai: So you were freaking out?
Jun: Yeah, we were...
Aiba: Like, we kept wondering whether this would work
Nino: (overlapping) Exactly.
Aiba: while we performed...
Sho: Plus, it felt all right when we were in the back, but--
Ohno: I'M ROCK HARD, YOU KNOW.
Nakai: Ohno-kun... we're having a conversation over here.
Nino: Yeah, we're trying to talk here.
Ohno: Sorry.
Nakai: Seriously, what kind of tan is that?
Ohno: I told you, it's a sunburn!

Nakai: Let's do this!
Nino: Okay! Sorry!
Nakai: Geez... Time for Arashi and comedians to intermingle!
Jun: Okay.

[Who are the comedians who want to collaborate with Arashi this time?]

Nakai: Okay, Ishibashi-san will introduce them to us...
Ishibashi: Yep!
Nakai: Who's on?
Ishibashi: This pair!

[Joyman]

Joy1: Gag routine: contact lens. Crap... my contacts are missing. What should I do? I can't do anything without my contacts.
Joy2: Here we go! Here we go! Contacts are important
J2: Nicolas is a police officer
J2: Lalalala lalalala lalalalala Ramirez! (*note: Alex Ramirez is a baseball player for the team Yomiuri Giants.)
J2: Sorry for coming out so abruptly! I'm truly very sorrily!
J1: What's with this guy!?
J2: Let's look for your contacts with rap!
J1: My contacts with rap? Never mind that, don't move, you hear? My contacts are on the ground, so don't move!
J2: One step, two step, three step! Totally wrecked business attempt!
J1: What the hell?
J2: It might actually be pretty close by. There's a proverb for that, right? Look, that proverb, um... um...
J1: "It's dark right below the lighthouse", right? (*note: Proverb in Japanese: Toudai moto kurashi)
J2: Right, right, Taisho Democracy! (*note: The Taisho era is when power shifted from the Emperor to the Diet of Japan and democratic parties, so this liberal movement is known as "Taisho Democracy".)
J1: I didn't say that!
J2: Taisho Democracy
J2: Ryuichi formerly LUNA SEA...
J1: It's "Kawamura"! (*note: Kawamura Ryuichi is a former vocalist of LUNA SEA.)
J2: Ryuichi formerly LUNA SEA
J2: his usual wear is a king trumpet mushroom!
J1: King trumpet mushroom!?
J2: Whale shark, it's chilly after a bath! Yay!
J1: Don't give me a yay! What's with this song?
J2: Week 7, A fruit of the tree, Nana!
J1: Go home already!!

J: Thank you! Thank you very much! Thank you very much!
Nakai: It makes you kind of nervous when the comedians themselves already give us this kind of aura, doesn't it?
J: What do you mean by that?
Ishibashi: It's the first time I'm meeting Joyman, though.
Nakai: Nice to meet you.
J1: Good morning.
J2: Yes, a pleasure to meet you.

[Let's do this later]

Nakai: Let's go with the next one! Who's next, Ishibashi-san!
Ishibashi: It's Ookami Shounen!

[Ookami Shounen]

O1: Mame mame mame! Edamame! Eh eh eh... EXILE's members seriously increased. (*note: Mame - bean) (*note: EXILE and J Soul Brothers recently merged to form a 14-member group)
O2: Voice projection practice!
O1: Ohhhh!
O2: Okay!
O: Boom boom boom boom boom! Boom boom boom boom boom!
O1: Cellphone's got an empty mail!
O2: Tanaka Yoshitake's caramel! (*note: Tanaka Yoshitake is a TV personality who has been promoting fresh Hokkaido caramel)
O: Boom boom boom boom boom! Boom boom boom boom boom!
O1: Underaged minors have no self-awareness!
Q2: Hamada Britney is homeless! (*note: Hamada Britney is a manga artist, who starred in Atashinchi no Danshi)
O: Okay! Boom boom boom boom boom! Boom boom boom boom boom!
O1: Odawara Castle's full of stone walls!
Q2: Characters in "Odagiri Joe" are katakana for all!
O: Boom boom boom boom boom! Boom boom boom boom boom!
O1: Odawara Castle's full of stone walls!
Q2: Characters in "Yuusuke Santamaria" are katakana for all!
O: Okay! Boom boom boom boom boom! Boom boom boom boom boom!
O1: Do you know "Lucky Man"?
O2: That's "Kikkoman"! (*note: the famous brand of soy sauce)
O: Boom boom boom boom boom! Boom boom boom boom boom!
O1: Rock paper scissors! Got a draw fo'SHO!
O2: The Leader of Arashi, right?
O1: That's Sakurai Sho!
O2: No, Ohno-kun!
O: Boom boom boom boom boom! Boom boom boom boom boom!
O1: You should go on a trip to Karuizawa!
O2: THE ALFEE's vocalist, right?
O1: That's Takamizawa!
O2: No, Sakazaki!
O: No, Sakurai!
O: Boom boom boom boom boom! Boom boom boom boom boom!
O: That's all!

O: Thank you very much!
Nakai: That was funny! Thank you, Ookami Shounen. I wonder how the collaborations are going to be grouped... is this your first time meeting them, Ishibashi-san?
Ishibashi: Yeah, it is.
O: Nice to meet you!
O1: Sorry, since we're here, may we remove our sunglasses and introduce ourselves?
Nakai: Great idea!
O1: Hi, I'm Hamaguchi with drooping eyes. (*note: A possible reference to Hamaguchi Osaka, the Lion Prime Minister of Japan.)
O2: Hi, I'm Master Zakoba. Just the face. Just the face, okay? Pleasure to meet you all! (*note: Zakoba is a renowned Rakugo performer)
O1: A pleasure!
O2: A pleasure!

Nakai: Ishibashi-san, please introduce the next one!
Ishibashi: Okay! Antoki no Inoki!

[Antoki no Inoki]

Antoki: How you feelin'!? If you're feelin' good, you can save people, too! Here we go! Ready! One, two, three, four, bam bam bam! One, two, three-- hey wait! Someone's collapsed over there! What's wrong!? Okay, Choushuu! Go call an ambulance! (*note: Riki Choushuu is also a pro-wrestler like Antonio Inoki, the wrestler this comedian is impersonating.)
Antoki: All right, leave this to me. First, gotta check his consciousness. Here we go! Bam! How you feelin'!? He's not breathing! What would YOU do!? Leave this to me. All right. Okay, first, resuscitation! Put your hand on the chest and... you ready!? Here we go! One, two, three, blooow! One, two, three, blooow! Okay, he's breathing! But his heart has stopped! Fujinami, bring on the AED! (*note: Fujinami is another Japanese pro-wrestler.)
Antoki: Please slam on the power! Then paste the parts over the heart and SLAM it on! Could it be an electric current that shocks you awake!? If you've got electricity, you can save a person's life! Finally, let us say this together! Here we go! A! E! D! Baaam! Thank you very much!

Antoki: Thank you very much! Thank you very much!
Nakai: That was Antoki no Inoki!
Antoki: Thank you!
Ishibashi: How you feelin'!?
Antoki: Okay okay okay! Okay okay okay! Where's the exit!?
Nakai: You shouldn't do a collaboration here!
Ishibashi: What?
Nakai: That's not good!

Nakai: Okay, next please, Ishibashi-san!
Ishibashi: Shukugawa Atom!

Atom: Hello~ it's firmedcon: I'll be at Zagin at midnight! (*note: This comedian's entire gag is based on the fact that he switches words around. Ginza = Zagin, Kettei (confirmed) = Teiketsu.)
Atom: What? Ah, I'm on "Banuta" right now, "Banuta".
Atom: The guest is Shiara. Yep. He's here, Nooh Shisato. Yes. A booking? For ingfish? Ah, you want to ingfish at the ceano? That's great! Like riding a sercrui across the Ocean Pacific! Like giving away a linmar. Right. I'll make a vationreser, then! Okay, okay!
Atom: Okay, time for the real thing! Here's the title! Tale-fairy! "Momo no routa". (*note: Original - Momotarou)
Atom: Okay, here it is~!
Arom: A long, long meti ago, in some place faraway, there lived a pagrand and a magrand. One day, pagrand went to gather woodfire in the tainsmoun, while magrand did the drylaun at the verri. Then up floated a antgi peach!
Atom: "Pagrand! Pagrand! A peach has ifteddri down the verri!"
Atom: Pagrand and magrand cut the peach in half with an axe!
Atom: Oh, how prisedsur were pagrand and magrand!
Atom: Momo no routa pearedap from the peach! Tada!
Atom: Yes, he pearedap!
Atom: Excuse me for a minute. Hello? Yes. Ingfish? Yes, let us tan our insk to a crispy brown. You want your insk a full lackb? Ah, wait a minute. Nooh Shisato will lose his bjo if his insk is lackb... you want to celcan? Thank you very much.

Nakai: You've been in cialscommer lately.
Atom: What?
Nakai: You've been in cialscommer.
Atom: What... what are you talking about?
Nakai: Why'd your real character come out?
Atom: I couldn't catch what you said.
Nakai: It seems you've been in commercials lately.
Atom: Ah, zingama! A roachcock cialcommer.
Nakai: You've started one, right? That's great.
Atom: Sorry, I really couldn't hear what you said just now, so it got kind of weird...
J: What's with that pause?
Atom: Okay, edit this out, please!

Nakai: Let's move onto the next one!
Ishibashi: Dangan Jackie!

[Dangan Jackie]

Dangan: A gymnast's and!
Jackie: A soldier's!
Dangan Jackie: Short gag!
Dangan: A gymnast's! Mine field!
Ishibashi: Mine field...
Jackie: Hey! There's a mine buried there, so you have to jump over it to get to the other side.
Dangan: Okay.

Nakai: Oh, as you'd expect from a gymnast!
Dangan: Boom!
Jackie: What the hell are you doing!?

Jackie: Okay!
Dangan: Dangan Jackie!

Jackie: A soldier's! Zombie!
Dangan: Damn! This is bad! I've hit a dead end! Ah, he's here! Okay, I'll shoot the feet so he can't move anymore! Bang! Bang! All right, now I can-- what have I done!?

Jackie: Okay!
Dangan: Dangan Jackie!

Dangan: If the boy who appears towards the end of Japanese folk tales were to be a gymnast!

Dangan: I shall go home too, let us go home, dum dum, forward roll, a side twist, side somersault, a flip, then one balance pose, another side somersault, a flip in the air... bye bye bye! Then a forward roll--
Jackie: GO HOME.

Jackie: Okay!
Dangan: Dangan Jackie!

Dangan: Thank you very much!

Nakai: And that was Dangan Jackie, thank you very much! Okay, we're going to start the collaborations now. Your thoughts, Arashi?
Sho: There are groups who look possible and groups who look really tough to work with...
Nakai: That's true!
Jun: The hurdles this time are high!
Nakai: They're high, yep! There are definitely powerful, funny comedians in there, aren't there? But there are comedians with a certain aura to them as well.
J2: I guess I did give off a nervous sort of aura, but... I'm okay.
Nakai: You'll be all right?
Joy: We will, we will!
Nakai: You paying by card!?
Antoki: It's gonna be a problem if I do that now! (*note: Nakai's line is a part of Antoki's gag)

[Here's the first collaboration]

Nakai: Okay, let's start with Joyman.
Joy: Okay! Thank you!
Ishibashi: (overlapping) Are you sure?
Nakai: They can go last if you want.
J1: What?
Nino: We'd prefer someone who doesn't give us that anxious feeling to go first.
Nakai: (overlapping) You've got to feel good about it.
Ishibashi: Would you prefer someone other than Joyman, then?
Nino: At the rate they are now...
Nakai: At the rate they are now...
J2: Really? I think we're fine.
Nakai: Are you sure?
J2: Yes.
Nakai: You're the first batter, you see.
J2: Right.
Nakai: We want to get people out on the bases for sure.
Ishibashi: Okay, I got it. Let's choose people with this.
Joy: You're going to choose with that?
Comedian: With that?
Ishibashi: It's Joyman.
J2: I don't get it! I don't get what happened!
Ishibashi: Joyman should go first.
Nakai: Okay! Well then, the Arashi member Joyman shall choose is...!

J2: Who shall we go with...
J1: He'll be performing with me, so we'll go with the one whose character is similar to mine - Aiba-kun.
Aiba: Hold on a second!
J1: Sorry, Aiba! Please join us!
Nakai: You know, I think Aiba's the only one who can pull it off.
Aiba: Really?
Nakai: Yeah, for this group.
Aiba: Can I really do their routine?

[Previous collaboration
Aiba Masaki x Yuttei]

Nakai: Aiba it is!
Aiba: Let's work hard together. I'm really worried about this!
J2: Let's work hard.
Aiba: Let's!
Nakai: Okay, let's go!
Joy: Please wait a moment!

[On stand-by]

Nakai: Ah, they're getting on stand-by. I wonder if Joyman's going to be okay...
Ishibashi: They kind of feel like a foul tip. (*note: foul tip - a baseball term to indicate a batted ball that goes directly from the bat to the catcher's hands and is legally caught)
Ishibashi: Maybe we should've let Ookami Shounen bat first.
Nakai: They would've definitely gone out on the bases.

Nakai: Okay then, let's go! Here's our first batter and collaboration! Let's go. It's Aiba-kun and Joyman!

J1: Gag routine: a cold. Man, feels like I'm catching a cold here. I've gotta cure this before work tomorrow... damn it.
J2: Here we go~
Aiba: Go~ Come on~
J2: A shopping district full of people
J2: We're nice guys
J1: What?
Aiba: Nananana Nananana Nananana half-dried
Aiba & J2: Sorry for coming out together abruptly
Aiba & J2: We're truly very sorrily!
J1: What's with these guys!?
Aiba: We're twins.
J2: We're twins.
J1: You're totally lying! This one's way better at dancing anyway.
Aiba: Let's make you healthy with rap!
J1: What do you mean, healthy with rap?
J2: The pain in your throat
J2: Tell me, show me
J1: What the hell are you saying?
Aiba: Let's avoid a full train
Aiba: Cling clang... cling clang...
J2: Okay! Cling clang Vuitton!
J1: You're completely out of sync!
J2: Cling clang Vuitton!
J1: You're out of sync!
J2: Burberry, margarine!
J1: Margarine!?
Aiba: Burberry, margarine
Aiba: BVLGARI, all dangly
J1: A BYLGARI!?
J2: Armani, preserved food
Aiba & J2: Yay!
J1: Don't give me a yay! What the hell is with this song!?
Aiba: Aiba, Sai Baba! (*note: Sai Baba - an Indian guru regarded by followers as an incarnation of God)
J2: GO HOME.

Nakai: He pulled it off!

[A magnificent collaboration]

Nakai: You pulled it off!
Aiba: Thank you very much!
Nakai: What a magnificent collaboration!
Aiba: Thank you!
Ishibashi: We were worried because it was Joyman, weren't we?
Joy: We're not that bad! We're totally okay!
Ishibashi: It turned good the minute Aiba-kun joined them!
Aiba: Thank you very much.
Nakai: We've got a person out, we have a hit!
Ishibashi: We have a hit!
Nakai: Thank you for a great hit!
Nino: Amazing!

Nakai: Okay, let's have Ookami Shounen go next!
O2: Okay!
Nakai: Who would you like?
O1: Who shall we pick?
O2: Since we rarely have this chance, we would like to have Matsumoto Jun-kun!
O1: Let's do this. Let's do this.
Nakai: It's got a strict format.
Jun: You're right.
Nakai: And there's a rhythm to follow, too.
Jun: Yes.
Nakai: You may have added pressure of getting the words out without slipping.
Jun: I stumbled on my words the last time.

[Previous collaboration
Matsumoto Jun x Fall In Love]

O: You'll be fine, you'll be fine.

Jun: Will you be ha-- having it here?

Nakai: That was really good.
Aiba: You really get nervous when you're in the back.
J2: The steps look weird when I do it, but they look cool when Aiba-kun does them.
Nakai: It does, huh? Well, he's a star, so it's a foregone conclusion.
J1: It's a foregone conclusion?
J2: I see.
Ishibashi: Don't give us such ordinary comments!

Nakai: Okay, are you guys ready? You okay, Matsumoto? It looks good.
Ishibashi: He must be wearing the school uniform, too!
Aiba: That's right.
Ishibashi: He must be, right?
Nakai: He's got to be one of them!
Ishibashi: So he has to wear it, right?
Nakai: Right!

Nakai: Let's go! Okay?
O: Yes!
Nakai: All right then, let's go! Here's Matsumoto-kun and Ookami Shounen!

Jun: Voice projection practice!
O: Ohhhhh!
Trio: Okay! Boom boom boom boom boom! Boom boom boom boom boom!
O: 4,000 years Chinese history ran!
Jun: Can we start over?
Comedian: Hey!!
J2: You can't do that! You can't do that!

[Very nervous]

O: Let us confirm things again, let us confirm things again.
Nakai: Okay, go straighten things out in the back!
Ishibashi: Is MatsuJun going to be okay?
Nakai: You okay, Matsumoto?
Ishibashi: Are you going to be all right?
Jun: I'm sorry!

Nakai: Okay, let's do this again! Ookami Shounen and Matsumoto!
Ishibashi: Again...

Jun: Voice projection practice!
O: Ohhhhh!
Trio: Okay! Boom boom boom boom boom! Boom boom boom boom boom!
Nakai: (overlapping) Here it comes. It's looking good!
O: 4,000 years Chinese history ran!
Jun: Toilet troubles cost 8,000 yen!
Trio: Okay! Boom boom boom boom boom! Boom boom boom boom boom!
O: You can't quite calculate a flower's life span!
Jun: Socks are not in Ishida Junichi's plan!
Trio: Boom boom boom boom boom! Boom boom boom boom boom!
Nakai: It's good, it's good!
O: You need time to think, you say!
Jun: Haruna Ai says, "You sure know what to say!"
Trio: Okay! Boom boom boom boom boom! Boom boom boom boom boom!
O: Tonight's side dish is mushrooms!
Jun: "50 ~ 80 Yorokonde".
O: That's Chii Takeo! (*note: "50 ~ 80 Yorokonde" is actor Chii Takeo's debut work)
Trio: Okay! Boom boom boom boom boom! Boom boom boom boom boom!
O1: You must stand in line to form a row!
Jun: That person's hair is way too long.
O1: That's Kaname Jun. (*note: Kaname Jun - actor, played Fuu in Atashinchi no Danshi)
O2: No, Matsumoto Jun.
Jun: No, Miura Jun. (*note: Miura Jun - cult entertainer)
Trio: Okay! Boom boom boom boom boom! Boom boom boom boom boom!
Trio: That's all!

O2: Matsumoto Jun-san was perfect, wasn't he?

[Excellent!]

Nakai: It was perfect!
O2: It was perfect!
O1: Magnificent.
Jun: Thank you very much.
O1: Magnificent.

Nakai: Even though you guys can sing and dance, it's hard to do gag routines, isn't it?
Jun: It's really hard!
O2: His sense of rhythm is excellent, so it feels like WE ended up learning some things too!
Jun: Man...
O1: We've learned a lot!
Nakai: We totally have two bases covered!
Ishibashi: Two bases on one inning... no! Three on one inning!

Nakai: Okay, the next one! That's going to be our third batter!
Ishibashi: Right, the next one will give us our first point!
Nakai: Let's have someone who will give us our first point and allow the other two to run back home!
Ishibashi: Yes.
Nakai: The next one is... Antoki no Inoki!
Antoki: I'm one, two, three on the line-up, huh! All right, I got it!
Nakai: The one our third batter will choose is...!?
Antoki: Clearly, I need someone with muscles.
Nakai: Sounds good!
Antoki: All right! Sakurai! You're it!
Sho: You ready!?
Antoki: Totally!
Sho: Shall we!?
Antoki: Let's! Bam!
Sho: Bam!
Nakai: Don't show off everything here! Don't waste everything here!

Nakai: Well, Sakurai did make us laugh with his "rock hard" gag, didn't he?

[Previous collaboration
Sakurai x Xabungle]

Nino: He was really feeling it, so...
Nakai: Right, he was feeling it.
Nino: So it works for him. I think we can look forward to this one, too.
Nakai: You guys really come here often.
Nino: Sorry!
Jun: We have new songs every month or two...
Nakai: Really?
Jun: Yes.
Nino: Sorry.
Nakai: That's fast.
Jun: Yes, it is.

Nakai: Are you on stand-by!?
Antoki: Please wait a moment!
Ishibashi: "Please wait," he said...
Antoki: Please give us a period of two weeks!
Comedians: What the hell is that? We can't wait that long!

Nakai: Okay, let's go! The third Arashi and comedian collaboration! Antoki no Inoki and Sakurai, here they are!

Antoki: How you feelin'!? If you're feelin' good, Arashi can become Inoki too! Here we go! Come on out, Inoki! Bam!
Antoki: How you feelin'!?
Sho: Feelin' good!
Antoki: You better be feelin' the moves here, buddy! You feelin' it, huh!?
Sho: Yes!
Antoki: Ready to battle!?
Sho: Yes!
Antoki: Okay, show me your moves then, let's go! Arashi's Inoki! Go! Go!
Sho: Here!
Antoki: Ow ow ow!
Antoki: Okay, you've got the moves down! Ready to go now!?
Sho: Let's go!
Antoki: If you're feelin' good,
Antoki & Sho: you can work at a convenience store! Here we go! Swish!
Antoki: Welome!
Sho: Welcome!
Antoki: Welcome to convenience store, Inoki-ven Eleven! One sandwich, BING! All right, all right~!
Sho: One boxed lunch, BING!
Antoki: Want your boxed lunch warmed up?
Sho: Or do you want it SLAMMED up!?
Antoki: You paying by card?
Sho: Or by CASH!?
Antoki: Your total's 1230 yen!
Sho: We'll go BAM after a count of three...
Sho: Please yell it with us!
Antoki & Sho: Here we go! One! Two! Three! Baaaaam!

Nakai: Great!! You totally scored a run!

[We've got a timely hit] (*note: A timely hit is a baseball term for good hitting in which a run is scored)

Nakai: You totally got our boys home! Great timely hit!
Antoki: Saaakurai! Saaakurai! Thaaank you very much!
Nakai: We've got a point!
Ishibashi: We've got a point!
Nakai: How was it, Sakurai?
Sho: Oh man...
Nakai: It really gets your adrenaline running, doesn't it?
Sho: It's hard! You know, it was difficult 'cause I had nothing to do with Inoki-san was talking...
Antoki: It was perfect, though.
Nakai: It was perfect!
Antoki: I've never seen a Johnny's Inoki before!
Nakai: It's not right to make him do a Johnny's Inoki, you know! You shouldn't!
Antoki: You idiot!

Nakai: All right, we've scored a timely hit. We've got two groups left!
Comedian: All right!
Nakai: Now, what shall we do? Shall we have Shukugawa go next?

[Who shall go first?]

Nakai: Or Dangan Jackie? Which one!
Dangan: That's a salute! You're doing a salute!
Jackie: Okay, we'll go! We'll do it!
Dangan: What's wrong with you!? What's with you!?
O: Don't fight! Don't fight amongst yourselves!
Dangan: I just told you off! DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
O: Stop fighting!
Dangan: He just went ahead and volunteered us on his own!
Jackie: We'll still do it!
Nakai: Dangan Jackie, then! For you guys, you have Ohno and Ninomiya left! Which one would you like?
Dangan: Well, to be honest... we want Leader!

[The previous MVP is finally up]

Jackie: We're off.
Jun: Which one is he doing?
Nakai: I wonder if he's going to do the gag, or--
Comedians: Oh, a mat! Wow!
Nakai: We have to ensure his safety, just in case. Shukugawa-san, are you okay? You're going to be the last, you know. It might be tough to be last.
Atom: Nah, it's an easy win, an easy win.
Nakai: An easy win?
Atom: Yes. We'll definitely make you laugh.
Nakai: You're kind of quiet off-stage, huh?
Atom: That's how I pull off my routines, you see.
O: Your voice is too soft! Project your voice!

Nakai: Okay! Are you on stand-by?
Dangan: Just a little longer!

Nakai: By card!?
Antoki: BY CASH. I think we're both getting sick of this already.
Comedians: It's fine, it's fine.

Nakai: Okay, here's Ohno-kun and Dangan Jackie! Let's go!

Dangan: A gymnast's and!
Ohno: A gymnast's and!
Jackie: A soldier's!
Trio: Short gag!
Dangan: A gymnast's! Interrogation!
Nakai: An interrogation?
Dangan: Damn you.
Ohno: Damn you.
Dangan: Out with it, you bastard.
Ohno: Out with it, you bastard.
Dangan: Curses, it seems he will not reveal anything to us. We have no choice but to torture you with THIS!
Jackie: You asshole! What are you going to do!?
Dangan: Prepare yourself!
Jackie: Stop!

Nakai: A forward roll. And...? It's a cartwheel. Can he do that?
Comedians: Wow, it's pretty. That's amazing!
Nakai: A true Johnny's, a true Johnny's! Okay, now the real fun begins. Whoa... Well, yes, yes, yes.

Jackie: That's it!?

Jackie: Okay!
Dangan: Dangan Jackie!

Nino: It's good.
Jun: It was great.
Nakai: It was good, it was! It's great. Ohno's entire look is amazing. You've come a long way!
Dangan: He has.
Nakai: Johnny's has gotten this far! We've hit the period where we do stunts like that, haven't we!

Nakai: Okay, we've scored one point and we have three runners on the bases.
Ishibashi: Yes.
Nakai: We've filled the bases?
Ishibashi: It's great, Ohno-kun looks like a weird baby. Great job.
Nakai: A wonderful performance!

Nakai: Well, here's our last performance! The last one to end off the collaborations today is Shukugawa-kun.
Atom: Yes.
Nakai: The one Shukugawa-kun will choose is...!?
Atom: Team member Ninomiya.
Nakai: Okay, he's going with Ninomiya.
Atom: We'll end off perfectly. We'll end off perfectly.
Ishibashi: It's possible, right, for something to go wrong and our batting turn lost.

[Here it is, the final batter]

Nakai: Make sure you get our runners home. All the bases are full, you know.
Nino: Yes, the bases are full.
Nakai: Get a home-run.
Nino: Okay!
Atom: Hello, Ninomiya~

Nakai: This is going to be tough... Shukugawa-kun does all his routines alone after all.
Ishibashi: Yes.
Nakai: All on his own. Okay then!
Comedians: They're ready!
Atom: Please itwa!
Comedians: Itwa...
Atom: Please itwa a moment!
Ishibashi: Besides, you guys don't use business terms and reversed words, do you?
Jun: We don't recognize them.
Ishibashi: You don't use them either, right?
Comedians: We don't know them, nope.
Nakai: Then Ninomiya probably doesn't know them, too. Okay! Here's the last performance! Our runners are all waiting! Let's go, Shukugawa and Ninomiya-kun!

Narrator: After the break, Ninomiya-kun will show off the collaboration! And these people will join the fight as well! What's going to happen, Arashi!?

Nakai: Let's go, Shukugawa and Ninomiya-kun!

Atom: Hello? Yes, that's about it, great ingwork with you! Yes?
Nino: Hello? Yes. Yes yes yes.
Atom: Okay, that's about it.
Nino: Okay, that's about it.
Atom: Yep, yep.
Nino: Yep, yep.
Atom: Man, Ninomiya! I've been hearing all sorts of rumours about you!
Nino: What? Like what? Anyway, Shukugawa, you up for some fgol?
Atom: You want to play this?
Nino: Or a ealm at Giroppon?
Atom: You want to eat there?
Nino: Busha busha? (*note: original word - shabu shabu, a meal cooked by boiling meat and vegetables)
Atom: Ah, busha busha!
Nino: Or bena chanko? (*note: original word - chanko nabe, a stew for sumo)
Atom: Bena chanko sounds good!
Nino: Or kuni? (*note: I mean Nino meant to say, "Kuyakini", which is originally "Yakiniku", but he ended up saying a reverse of "Niku" (meat))
Atom: Kuni!
Nino: At Enjojo. (*note: original word - Jojoen - a sukiyaki restaurant opened all across Tokyo)
Atom: Firmedcon for Enjojo then!
Nino: Firmedcon for Enjojo!
Atom: Besides that, Nino! Shall we go with that thing we're supposed to do?
Nino: Shall we?
Atom: Shall we?
Nino: Let's.
Atom: Okay... Come, lightspot people, lightspot people!
Nino: We twan a more little lightspot on the gesta!
Atom & Nino: More little, more little...
Atom: Okay, let's go!
Nino: Okay, here's the title, tada! Tale-fairy, one and hundred one Tiansdalma!
Atom & Nino: All right, here it is~!
Atom: Okay, a Tiandalma and another Tiandalma!
Nino: Starting from the ingbreath methods of the zeLama technique,
Atom: right, from henceforth, it's going to be piespup,
Nino: piespup,
Atom: and more piespup!
Nino: Teenfif piespup were ornb! There!!
Atom: All right,
Atom & Nino: Yes, they were onrb!
Atom & Nino: Hello~?

[They ended it splendidly!]

Nakai: Thank you very much!
Atom: That's about it.
Nakai: A great collaboration. How was it, Nino?
Nino: I was super nervous!
Nakai: It's a very confusing gag, isn't it?
Nino: That's right! I don't use terms like that!
Nakai: Right. You're not used to hearing them, or using them...
Nino: Or using them... So I found this really tough.
Nakai: It must be tiring, even I feel tired watching you guys.
Nino: But I do feel like I've accomplished something great.
Nakai: It's fulfilling, huh?
Nino: More so in this second collaboration than the first.
Nakai: Well the first was... who did you do the first one with?
Nino: Tenshin-san.
Nakai: That one was kind of...
Nino: Yeah.
Nakai: Hard to pull off?
Nino: A little.
Nakai: Who did you guys collaborate with last time? Aiba, who were you with?
Aiba: I worked with Yuttei.
Nakai: Right now, Yuttei and Tenshin are kind of... well, it's like they've turned a bit cloudy for us.
Nino: Compared to the comedians here today.
Aiba: That's true.
Ishibashi: We can't let a Johnny's do a Tenshin routine after all.

Yuttei: Important.
Nakai: What's this? Ishibashi-kun?

[Yuttei] [Tenshin Kimura]

Nakai: Huh? It can't be... It can't be. The only two who kind of felt like foul tips in the previous attempt...
Tenshin: Who's a foul tip? We're the only ones who can peel off Arashi's layers!

[Really?]

Nakai: What do you want!?
Tenshin: No, see, you were all very good as well! But the two of us are the only ones who can really make Arashi shine!
Yuttei: Exactly.
Comedians: What are you saying? Get lost! Get lost!!
Tenshin: I'm the only one who can peel off Ninomiya-kun's layers!
Yuttei: Aiba-san became my partner the last time!
Aiba: No I didn't! I didn't!!
Tenshin: Ninomiya-kun's acting skills have improved after that collaboration!
Nakai: Barely a month passed since then. So Yuttei, you want to go on?
Yuttei: Yes!
Nakai: Who do you want to work with?
Yuttei: What? I can choose who I want? Aiba-kuuun!
Comedians: So it's Aiba-kun after all.
Aiba: You came down today?
Yuttei: I totally did!
Aiba: Really?
Nakai: You know, everyone went to say hello to Ishibashi-san, and you're the only one who didn't.
Yuttei: That's not true!
Ishibashi: Are you getting like this?

[Yuttei's the only one who didn't go to Ishibashi-san's dressing room to say hello]

Yuttei: No, no! No! I was going to say hi to him, but um, the shooting had already begun, so...
Nakai: You were late today?
Yuttei: I wasn't late!
Antoki: Your soul isn't in this, you jerk! Put it in!

Aiba: Can we really do this?
Nakai: Can you?
Yuttei: Yes, we can!
Ishibashi: Let's get you in the groove.
Comedians: All right!
Ishibashi: Okay, okay, okay... feel it!
Yuttei: This is...
Antoki: How's it feelin'?
Yuttei: It's good. Okay, we're going to do this!
Nakai: Okay, let's do it! Get on stand-by, please!

Ishibashi: Yuttei's from Horikoshi High, isn't he?
Nakai: Is he really?
Ishibashi: Yuttei!
Yuttei: Yes!
Ishibashi: You're from Horikoshi, aren't you?
Yuttei: Yes I am! That's right!
Nakai: Who was in your level?
Yuttei: TOKIO's Matsuoka-kun.

Nakai: Okay, let's go! Here's Aiba-kun and Yuttei, go!

Yuttei: Hooray~!! I'm Yuttei, who has wanted to be an idol for 12 years! Today, Yuttei's friend who doesn't care about small things is here as well!
Aiba: I'm Aibattei, who has been an idol for 10 years!
Yuttei: Because of the way we are, no matter what happens, we don't care! The other day, Yuttei got a call from his manager. "Um... the company president is really mad at you. Can you come down to the agency right away?" was the strange call. When I went to the agency, the president really was angry. "Hey, what are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? My wife has become a fan of yours!" Oops, Yuttei's sorry! Inten~se!
Yuttei & Aiba: Don't sweat the small stuff, that's important, important.
Aiba: The other day, Aibattei got to perform together with Yuttei! Then, some friends of mine watched the show and said! "Aiba-chan, you look more Yuttei than Yuttei himself!" Mm... talk about mixed feelings!
Yuttei & Aiba: Inten~se! Don't sweat the small stuff, that's important, important. Bye bye!!

Nakai: Well...
Aiba: Was it all right?
Nakai: You're definitely getting better as a pair!
Aiba: Really? So this second try is better?
Nakai: The second try is good. Let's keep this up!
Aiba: Keep this up...
Nakai: You should perform with him outside of Utaban, too!
Yuttei: Seriously?
Nakai: Keep doing it!
Yuttei: Shall we form a partnership?
Aiba: No... please give me a break. Please!
Nakai: He's a Johnny's, so he can't do a partnership.
Yuttei: Shall I appear in your concert, then?
Aiba: What!? In our concerts!?
Nakai: What are you going to do if he turns up at your concerts?
Aiba: What are you doing to do if Leader agrees to this?
Yuttei: Well, I'll go for sure...
Ohno: No, I'll get yelled at...
Yuttei: Aw man...
Nakai: Okay, great job, thank you very much!
Aiba: Thank you very much!

Nakai: Everyone was laughing and cheering, but one person wasn't.
Jun: Who was it?
Nakai: Ninomiya.
Comedians: Huh? Ninomiya-san!
Nakai: Why aren't you laughing? Wasn't it a funny routine?
Nino: No, no, it was funny.
Nakai: It was funny, right?
Nino: Yes.
Nakai: What were you thinking then?
Nino: I thought it was funny too, but when I turned to look at Kimura-san, he wasn't laughing either.
Nakai: Is it true?
Tenshin: I was laughing.

Nakai: Okay, let's go with Tenshin next! And of course, he's going with...!?
Tenshin: Ninomiya-kun!
Nakai: Ninomiya, you must peel off that third layer, okay!
Nino: You're right.
Nakai: The hurdles are high!
Nino: I don't want to stop the flow here either.
Nakai: Well said.

Nakai: Okay, here are the last performers! Ninomiya-kun and Tenshin Kimura!

Kimura: I am Kimura the poetry reciter and...
Nino: I am his disciple, Ninomiya.
Kimura: Now, we shall recite about the feelings of men in poetry form.
Kimura: Here I go.
Kimura: When I drink with an older woman~
Kimura: And she tells me, "It's time for bed, you precocious child"~
Kimura: Somehow it feels like I can pull if off~ (*note: Ikesou na ki ga suru - double entrende for an approaching orgasm)
Kimura: I think it's possible!
Nino: Here I go.
Nino: On a Saturday night~
Nino: When I see a lady hanging out in a coffee shop like me~
Nino: Somehow it feels like I can pull it off!

Comedians: No it doesn't! No no no!
Nakai: Huh? Huh?
Tenshin: Thank you very much.
Nino: Thank you very much.

[Huh? This atmosphere...]

Nakai: This atmosphere isn't good at all.
Comedians: They need a bit more. A bit more. We're not feeling it at all.
Nakai: Not feeling it...
Ishibashi: It's kind of weak, isn't it?
Nakai: This is how we feel, Ninomiya.
Tenshin: It was good, right?
Nino: Well, yeah...
Nakai: I don't think I'd feel the urge to get off even if I saw a lady alone in a coffee shop...
Comedians: No we won't, we won't!
Nino: That's... true...
Dangan: For example, if a gymnast went to to coffee shop on his own, and if the other person is a female gymnast who's wearing her leotard, then maybe I'd feel like getting off.
Nakai: That won't happen! That situation won't happen, but if it does, you'd feel the urge, right?
Dangan: Yes, yes.

Nakai: What shall we do, then? Or shall we stop? If it's too much, we can stop.
Tenshin: No, no, no.
Nakai: If it's too much, we can end here.
Nino: But if we do that, then there's no point to our collaboration, right? Let's do it.
Nakai: Let's go!
Comedian: How cool!
Nakai: Okay, let's go... here's their second attempt!

[A second poetry recital]

Narrator: Ninomiya-kun and Tenshin Kimura are forced to try again! Can they score a home-run and emerge victorious? Moreover, we're going to have a group switch! Sakurai-kun gets in a pinch, as he's chosen again and again!

Nakai: Okay, let's go... here's their second attempt!

Kimura: I am Kimura the poetry reciter and...
Nino: I am his disciple, Ninomiya.
Kimura: Now, we shall recite about the feelings of men in poetry form.
Nino: Here I go.
Nakai: Ninomiya's starting?
Nino: When I pick up a cardboard box~
Nino: And I see a woman resting her boobs on another cardboard box~
Nino: Somehow it feels like I can pull it off!
Tenshin & Nino: We think it's possible!

Nakai: Ninomya!
Nino: Yes?
Nakai: What are you going to do now!?
Nino: Sorry.
Nakai: What the hell...
Comedian: What woman would rest her boobs on a cardboard box?
Tenshin: He has peeled off that third layer!
Nakai: They did it...

Nakai: Does anyone want to do a shuffle and try working with a different person?
Dangan: What? Can we!?
Nino: Hold on there, brother...
Nakai: Speak up if you want to try that!
Dangan: Okay, here!
Nakai: Okay, Dangan Jackie!
Dangan: I want to try it with Sakurai-san.
Sho: Whaaaaaat~~!!
Nino: You might be partnered with the soldier!
Nakai: Okay, go, go.
Sho: Man, this is the WORST!
Nakai: Get on stand-by.
Sho: What can I do!? What can I do!? What can I do!?
Ishibashi: Maybe you should take this off.
Ohno: Do you need this? Here...

Jun: He can't do a backflip, you know.
Ishibashi: What?
Nakai: He can't?
Aiba: Maybe he'll play the other role.
Nino: Exactly. Not the gymnast, but the soldier...
Ishibashi: The soldier?
Jun: But you took it off, right?
Ishibashi: You took it off, huh?
Ohno: I passed it to them just in case.
Nakai: Sakurai won't wear it, he's doing Zero, you know. He's a newscaster.
Nino: He can't do cartwheels either.
Nakai: It's like having Furutachi Ichiro-san wear it. Right? A newscaster can't wear that. (*note: Furutachi Ichiro - a long-time TV personality who hosts news shows.)

Nakai: Okay, are you ready? They're really flustered back there.
Dangan: Just a bit longer!
Jun: What are they going to do?
Dangan: We don't want to half-ass the routine!
Nakai: Sakurai, don't wear it, okay!
Sho: Yes?
Nakai: You're part of Zero, you know!

Nakai: Okay! Is this going to work out? We're all worried! Here's Dangan Jackie and Sakurai!

[He wore it]

Dangan: A gymnast's and!
Sho: A gymnast's and!
Jackie: A soldier's--
Dangan: (overlapping) Short--
Jackie: Short gag!
Dangan: Short gag! If both sumo wrestlers in a sumo match were gymnasts!

Nakai: Sakurai can't do stunts, right?
Dangan: Ah, my hands touched the ground!
Soldier: Okay!
Dangan: Dangan Jackie!

Comedians: You can't do that! You can't do that! That's bad!

[Got a problem?]

Nakai: What, you think you can do better? That was enough!
O1: What are you saying, Nakai-san!? Ookami Shounen will change the bad atmosphere we've got here!
Nakai: Who do you want?
O1: Let's go with Sakurai Sho-san!
Nino: You shouldn't use him again so soon!
O2: You don't know how to use Sakurai-san at all! Please watch how we do it!
Nakai: Are you going to be okay, Zakoba?
O1: We'll be fine.
Nakai: Okay, go on stand-by!

Nakai: Okay, they're on stand-by.
Ishibashi: He can pull it off right away, huh.
Nakai: Okay, we're starting! Ready? Here's Ookami Shounen and Sakurai!
Ishibashi: Can he pull it off?
Nakai: Can he? It's worrying, isn't it. Okay, go!

Sho: Voice projection practice!
Trio: Ohhhh!
Trio: Okay! Boom boom boom boom boom! Boom boom boom boom boom!
O: A low temp sauna goes at 45 degrees!
Sho: Takigawa Christel also turns at 45 degrees. (*note: Takigawa Christel - half-French, half-Japanese newscaster)
Trio: Yeaahhh!

Comedians: Splendid, splendid!
Nakai: Good, good, good!

[He did his best!!]

O2: He's a newscaster, after all.
Nakai: It was perfect! Since we've made it this far... sorry, I hate to do this, but I want to see Tenshin and Sho-kun!
Tenshin: I'm off to peel a layer off Sakurai-kun~!
Comedians: Please do!

Nakai: Sakurai's mixing up all sorts of costumes. Is he going to be okay?
Jun: This is amazing...
Nakai: Okay, let's go!
Tenshin: We're not ready!
Nakai: Sakurai's totally serious. Okay, let's go! Kimura Tenshin and...

Sho: What's the pitch...?

Nakai: Sakurai Sho's...
Jun: They're still confirming things.
Aiba: Wow...
Nakai: Did Sakurai lose a few pounds?
Nino: Kind of. I bet Kimura-san's really drilling in the poem's format.
Nakai: Okay, let's go!
Nino: Please show us your stuff.
Nakai: Tenshin Kimura... and a collaboration with Sakurai Sho, go!

Narrator: After the break, Arashi's Sakurai Sho is going to recite an astonishing poem!

Nakai: Okay, let's go!
Nino: Please show us your stuff.
Nakai: Tenshin Kimura... and a collaboration with Sakurai Sho, go!

Kimura: I am Kimura the poetry reciter and...
Sho: I am his disciple, Sakurai.
Kimura: Now, we shall recite about the feelings of men in poem form.
Sho: Here I go.
Sho: When I go to an amusement park~
Sho: And I see a little girl riding the merry-go-round six times~
Sho: Somehow it feels like I can pull it off! (*note: ... remember, it's a double entrende for an approaching orgasm)
Kimura & Sho: We think it's possible!

Nakai: It's good.
Tenshin: That was an easy layer to peel off.
Comedians: An easy layer...
Sho: Thank you very much.
Nakai: It was good. I can't tell who you are anymore. Amazing. You worked with four groups today.
Sho: I feel very accomplished.

[After this break, we'll announce the MVP! Who's the Collaboration King?

Next week's guest is Yajima Biyoushitsu (tentative)]

Nakai: Did he lose a few pounds?